No one will be here to see. So i shall vent it here. Yesterday she saw him and almost cried. I was at the verge of breakdown but had to act as if i m fine, Its hard but i had done it however it did not feel good seeing ur beloved cry for some other guy. And i know tat she still likes him and still thinks of him. Somehow i mustered my courage and told her if one day he is back, I m fine for her to choose him and not me. It feels shitty but the thought of her able to smile again and be happy with someone she love would make things feel better for me. i am angry with tat guy for breaking her heart. This is not the bubbly regina i used to know. i hate it but i cannot make things worse for her so i gotta still smile and crack jokes to reverse her sadness temporarily. Finallly understooded wat it feels like when things are right in front of you but u will never ever get it.. Grief overwhelmed me but luckily i kept it in check. I want to talk to someone but not my family and friends as i do not want them to think bad of u. I need you in my life but i guess i m not wat u need so its ok bah i m prepared for the worst.
Till then i m willing to make u feel better by being a fool, a clown or anything as u deemed fit. Stupidity in exchange for u laughter is worth it.
Love you always
